He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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