i wish my penis had a tongue
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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