Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
there is glitter all over my balls
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
