So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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