I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
