census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
