She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A bitchslap is in order.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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