yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
