Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
