used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
