Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
