You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize