Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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