....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
