I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
