So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
