i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
