how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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