Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
