I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
