Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
