so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
