I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
