i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
