Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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