The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
