My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
