does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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