But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
