drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
