yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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