I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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