im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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