god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
