Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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