she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
