I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
