ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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