I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dignity is for republicans.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
