do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
