....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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