i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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