I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
don't judge my taste in strippers
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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