Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
