He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
