You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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