First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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