Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
