his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize