turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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