My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize