my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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