It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
