Dual....:-)
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
