it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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