You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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