there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
