i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize