Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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