We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
