dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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