i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
